


fuck it

by thealtacct



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Other, beware of reading this there is probably shit untagged, four chapters are prewritten, i was like. projecting? probably. so theres some dark shit in there, might write more if anyones interested, prewritten as in i wrote them years ago, probably?, simply because i cannot remember what it is about
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-13 03:08:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29519928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thealtacct/pseuds/thealtacct
Summary: dave wakes up after the game, and it's like stepping into the past. Everything is exactly the same as before.Even Bro.(or, where I only realized how similar this was to time displacement after I had written eighty pages, and never touched it again)
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Eventually - Relationship, i honestly cannot remember, probably rosemary??
Comments: 3
Kudos: 24





	fuck it

**Author's Note:**

> I want to say that I have not read this in a long time, not since I was writing it years and years ago, I have only the vaguest notions of what it is about. I read some of the pesterlogs when I coded them in, tried to read as little of it as possible, but other than that, this is probably unedited trash. And please be safe, when reading. There might be things I have not tagged, because I wrote this so long ago and really don't remember.

He wasn’t even hard to kill.

Sure, he had moves, and his flashstep was a little hard to beat. 

But when you think about what you’ve fought, the universe-shattering monsters you’ve stood up against…

He’s just so weak.

You flip your sword to the other hand, staring down at the body. You bend down, slowly, and snatch his glasses off his face. Bright orange stares back at you, and he looks so blindingly like Dirk that you stop, and put a hand to your mouth, and almost let yourself go, let yourself wrap your hands around him and sob. You’re exhausted, you want to do it so badly. 

But you don’t. Not because he wouldn’t approve, but because he doesn’t deserve it.

You put your sword and the shades in your sylladex, not bothering to clean the blood off. Your ishades ping, and you frown, ignoring them. 

Flying up high above your apartment, you look at the hazy red sky. It’s been a long time since you saw this sky. Not that you ever wanted to see it again.

You pull up a map on your shades, looking around for the right direction to fly in. You don’t care if someone sees. 

Taking a deep breath, you fly in the direction of Washington.

\-----

By the time you arrive, it’s early in the morning. The flight took up a lot of your energy. You hover beside the window, and knock on the glass. The last time you saw him was in The Medium, and he was so glad for it to be over, for everything to finally stop, that he started crying. A lot of them did. 

You didn’t cry, although you had every right to.

Knocking again, you grow frustrated. You need to shower, you can feel the dried blood irritating your scalp. You can magick up some new clothes, but the shit that got on your skin has to be removed the old fashioned way.

He finally opens the window, in his boxers and a nerdy t-shirt. He’s older than you expected, for some reason. Logically, you know that if you’re sixteen, almost seventeen, he has to at least be fifteen. But on Pesterchum, he sounded so young, like you all did before the game started. 

God, John, without the game. Rose, without the game. All of them, sans game. Jesus, why did you have to be the one who remembered?

His eyes widen, then squint. “Sorry, Dave? What the fuck? Let me get my glasses…” He leaves the door open, scrambling for his glasses.

“In the flesh.” You gesture, holding your arms out. He puts on his glasses, and he frowns. “Is that… blood? Dave, are you hurt? What are you wearing?” 

“What? Oh, nah, you should see the other guy. Besides, it’s not like I was doing anything particularly heroic. I don’t think, anyways.”

“Dave, how did you get here, what’s going on?” He rubs his eyes. 

“Se, that’s pretty hard to explain. I flew. It doesn’t matter. C’mon, I want to go see Rose. We gotta talk to Dadbert, I guess.”

“No, I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what’s going on! Dave!” John makes a point, keeping his feet planted firmly on the ground. 

“Fine, we can talk about this later. I need to tell your dad I'm here, at least.” You move to his bedroom door, but John calls after you.

“Wait!” he calls. He crosses his arms, his eyes narrowed. “Look, you’re not giving me much of an explanation here. You hurt someone else, I don't want you near my father.” He says it quietly, a little embarrassed, but you get it. You could be a danger to someone he loves, for all he knows. You take it back a notch.

“Okay, yeah, this would be a little weird for you, I get that. It’s just, there’s a lot of shit going on right now, and…” Dirk’s- no. No. Bro’s dead body flashes through your mind, and you wince.

“I did a thing. It, hahh, it fucked me up. A lot of shit has happened and I think I need to come clean to you guys. Let me explain.” You sit on his bed, rubbing your neck. Being genuine is hard and you don’t like it. 

“So, first off, I’m not ‘your Dave.’ Trust me, everything went the same way for our first thirteen years of life up to that point, but after that, things get a little…” You make a so-so motion with your hands. 

“Shit got fucked, the world got wrecked, lots of people died, including, like, all our parents, though that wasn’t a big deal for me, but you took it badly. So did Rose.” You frown. “There were aliens, and superpowers, and big bad evil guys. Shit felt like a Mad Libs page, someone just filling the blanks with whatever they found most amusing.”

You pause, gauging his reaction. He looks dubious. This isn’t thirteen-year-old John, after all. This John seems less gullible. Slightly less, at least. 

“So, why’re you here?” He asks. “If any of this is true, I mean.”

“Well, the game decided to be a bitch and put us all back to the way things were as a reward, I think. Karkat and I, we did a joint superpower thing, like a knight-class protection thing, near the end of the game. We were protecting each other, and I guess it worked too well. So now I’m here. With all the memories.” You clench your hands into fists, wishing you had Karkat, at least. You’ve messaged him so many times, but they never go through. You know he’s alive though, you can feel the humming of the fraymotif deep inside you. 

“I know this is selfish, but I have to let you know. I can’t hole up in that apartment, pretending everything’s fine again. I can’t.” You take a deep breath, and stand, thanking Jegus for your shades. You will not have a breakdown in front of Egderp, shit. 

“Look, I need to talk to your dad, ‘cause we are totally having a sleepover. And I have to take a shower, Jegus.” You smile, but John just stares, apparently processing the information. 

“Ok, well I’m gonna…” You trail off, opening the door. Fuck, did he notice those few paces you accidentally floated? You think he did. You close the door, slowly, and try to scrub a little bit of the blood off your face without the aid of a mirror. 

“Mr. Egbert?” You call, walking down the stairs. The kitchen door opens, and you act like you just walked through the front door instead of the upstairs.

“It’s Dave, Dave Strider, sir. John’s internet friend. I apologize for coming so suddenly, but I am without a guardian at the moment, and there wasn’t anywhere else to go.” You feel like shit for twisting the facts like this, but he’ll ask a lot of questions if you don’t.

You watch his face soften in fatherly concern, your gut turning. “Sure, you can stay a while. What’s that on your face?” He asks, glancing briefly at your peculiar outfit before deciding to not say anything. 

“Dirt, I fell.” You say it bluntly. It’s a shitty lie, and you know he can tell. “Can I use your shower?” Mr. Egbert’s eyes are apprehensive, calculating, but he doesn’t say no. 

You head over to the bathroom, proud of remembering where it is. After a quick rinse, you feel refreshed. The pipes on the meteor never worked right, so this is the first proper Earthen shower you’ve had in years. 

Poofing a magic outfit back on, you step outside, your hair still dripping. Your shades ping, and you smile.

AR: Dave. Are you certain this is a good idea?  
TG: gog no  
TG: but weve been over this hal  
TG: im not staying with him  
AA: We could’ve called CPS, or something.  
AR: I suppose It’s too late now, though.  
TG: im not going to be a system kid  
TG: i cant just keep this to myself my whole life  
TG: i cant do it hal  
AA: No, I wasn’t asking you to. I just thought it might be easier to ease them into it.  
AR: The past three years are a lot for a regular person to digest.  
TG: yeah that wouldve been smart  
TG: but i really need to see rose right now  
TG: dont know why i went to see john first i cant exactly hug it out with him  
TG: over my dead bro no less  
AA: You know I’m here, right? We weren’t exactly close, during the game, but I came with your shades, and I’ve had many conversations with Dirk over Bro.  
TG: yeah i dont really want to dump my shit on you though  
TG: what if we become like monorails or whatever  
AA: Can’t we go for brothers, instead?  
AR: ...  
AR: I’ll let you think about it.  


You had forgotten that he could see you, but he shouldn’t have dumped that sappy comment on you like that. Would’ve made any dude have an impromptu cry-fest. You wipe your eyes, heading back into John’s room. He’s put some clothes on, and is sitting on his bed, thumbing through an iphone. Yeah, you got some info from Hal, you’re up to speed on all the techy shit.

“Oh, hey.” He’s still suspicious, but he’s not jumping to fight you or something. You pull off your shoes, the slim red converse that you've chosen, revealing grey socks underneath. You know it doesn’t mean anything, it’s just your subconscious choosing the blandest color out there, but it reminds you of Kat. It hurts.

“Hey.” You sit on the bed, awkwardly. You hardly know this old John. He still loves Con Air, which is great, because your John ended up thinking it was stupid. Does he still like coding?  
“So, I’ve been keeping Rose up to date, and I’ve got a few questions,” John starts. It must be things Rose told him to ask, but he seems like he wants to know the answer too. 

“Okay, shoot.” You say, putting your hands behind your head. 

“Well, who the hell did you attack, to get their blood all over you?” He starts, he’s gearing up for another question, but you speak, and he stops.

“Ah, yikes, your Dave didn’t tell you?” You blanch, thinking. “Uh, you need a little background for that. My bro, he’s- he’s not good. I know I probably told you some bullshit about it ‘all being ironic’ or whatever, but he beat the shit out of me, never fed me, all sorts of bad shit. I got here a few weeks ago, and I was mostly checking to make sure he wasn’t, like, actually nice, but he started attacking me, and with my flashy powers, well…” you shrug. “He wasn’t hard to beat.”

You act nonchalant, but you’re taking slow, deliberate breaths, trying to make your trembling less noticeable. Hal pesters you a few reassurances, and it makes you feel better.

“What, so you killed him?” John’s joking, but when you say nothing, he gasps. “Holy shit, you actually killed him,” he breathes. 

“No- he was gonna- I had to-” You wrap your arms around your waist, trying not to think. You gotta repress that shit to next week to get through today.

You pull off your shades on impulse, gesturing for him to put them on. If he hasn’t already seen your eyes, you doubt he cares about that as much as the whole ‘My best friend is a murderer’ thing. God, you’re so tired.

He puts them on, confusedly, and you slip off the bed, going to the balcony. “I’ll be back with Rose,” you call, before setting off towards New York, not looking back to see John’s expression.

On the way, you stew in your thoughts, going around in circles. Were you being just like him, lacking empathy and attacking mercilessly? Of course not, he was going to kill me. But was he?

Once you finally get to her house in the middle of nowhere, you thank yourself for having the foresight to get the relative locations of all their houses, because this place is pretty remote.

You land, frowning as it starts to drizzle. Your head is starting to ache from exhaustion, but you tune it out. You walk up to the front door, and pull out a spare computer from your sylladex.

\--  turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]  \--

TG: hey rose  
TG: can you open the door  
TT: What door?  
TG: who do you think keeps ringing the doorbell like a jackass  
TG: come with me to johns for a while  
TG: we both know mom wont notice  
TT: I don’t remember telling you about Mother.  
TT: Nevermind, that doesn’t matter.  
TT: Are you really at my front door?  
TG: cmon sis just humor me  
TT: Oh, and we’re siblings now.  
TG: oh fuck  
TG: ignore that for a sec  
TG: please just come to the door  
TG: dont try to psychoanalyze me i will drop you mid flight  
TT: What.  
TG: oh fuck i did it again didnt i  
TG: just answer the fucking door i am going to have a breakdown  
TT: Already on my way, brother dearest.

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]  \--

She opens the door, and you’re greeted with the second shocked face of the day. Seeing her so young makes something twist deep in your gut. She’s the seer. She’s supposed to get you out of this, supposed to- “Hey, I-” You try to fake normalcy, but your voice catches, and the next thing you know you are crying into her white shirt, mumbling incoherent apologies and i-miss-you’s.

“Well, you don’t have to miss me any more, I’m here,” she tries to be reassuring, but it makes you sob harder. 

“S-sorry, I-” you finally wipe your eyes, stepping away from her. She seems to take you in, only faltering once at your eyes. It’s not like hers are any less strange.

“What on earth are you wearing?” She starts with that. 

“Pajammies, sis.” You’re both acting like you didn’t just have a breakdown, a breakdown she probably thought you were joking about.

“Look, I’ll fill you in when we get the whole gang together. I’ll drop you off at John’s, grab Jade and that dog, and I’ll be back before you can blink. Literally, If you want me to use my snazzy powers. Hehe, well kinda.” 

“John’s told me about these ‘powers’ and not much else. He clammed up, after a while.” She says it as though it isn’t a question. 

“Oh, yeah, he’s probably scared of me. Beat big bro in a strife, had blood all over me, would’ve made a sissy like John piss his pants.” You frown, looking away from her before you reveal any Big Feels™.

“A… a strife?” She seems surprised. Other you must’ve done a good job hiding it. 

“Yeah, c’mon, let’s go. Grab some shit, It’ll be a few days maybe,” you say, and she retreats into her house. You walk in, admiring the open rooms and rounded ceilings. It feels like a different world than your dinky apartment. 

She walks back downstairs after a few minutes, a small backpack on her back. “I’m ready to go. Mother won’t miss me.” She seems to be slowly processing the info-dump, functioning on autopilot for now. You can’t blame her.

You both walk outside, and you motion for her bag. She looks at you, confused. “If I hold it, it’ll be easier to carry you,” you say.

“Oh.” She passes it over, and you sweep her off her feet. Literally. You gradually pick up speed, keeping in mind how much Karkat hates being airborne. You talk, a little, but she buries her head in your chest against the wind, saying that her eyes burn. You guess you’re immune to that.

Once you finally touch down on the front lawn of John’s house, you’re exhausted. The sun is setting, and you’ve flown pretty much all day. 

Rose opens the front door, and a very startled Mr. Egbert stares back at her. You both walk in, and Rose and John’s father start talking about something that is probably important. You start to walk up the stairs, but he calls you back down. You say something, and start walking down the stairs, but your feet disobey you and you tumble down the stairs.

You turn onto your stomach, and move to get up, but Rose pushes you back down, scrutinizing you. “When’s the last time you slept?” 

“Ask Hal, he’s the shades.” You meant to say ‘brains,’ but whatever. “No wait, gimme Hal, John has him,” You say. Where’s John?

You sit up when Rose leaves, and Dadbert says something. You nod. Yes sir, I definitely heard what you said, sir.

Shades are placed into your hands, and you pull them on, sighing in relief when red text fills your screen.

AR: You haven’t slept in a long time, not with him around.  
AR: I wouldn’t have let you get Rose, if you hadn’t given me to John.  
AR: But that’s alright. Just sleep, okay? I’ll talk to Jade, we can get her later.

“But what about-”

AR: I’ll explain everything, don’t worry about it.

“Dude, you’re too good, best bro ever,” you say, handing the shades to someone, and falling asleep on the floor.

\-----

When you wake, you feel much better. It seems to be the middle of the night, but that’s still a solid few hours, which is pretty good. You stand, a little wobbly on your feet, but you float up to John’s bedroom, opening the door with practiced silence. You slide in, finding your shades on the desk. A Dave sit’s on John’s bed, nobody else in the room. Wordlessly, he flashes you a thumbs-up. Good, no words to remember. You nod back at him.

Pulling the shades on, you shove your hands in your pockets.“Hal, I’m going back,” you whisper, and you close your eyes. You step out onto the balcony, and turn back time.

When you open your eyes, you find the midday sun shining back at you. Perfect. Hal sends you a map for the island, and you speed off in that direction.

Once you get there, you’re starting to wilt again. You’re gonna have to nap after this. You land quietly, and then are attacked by a mass of white fur and green sparks. 

“C’mon, Bec, stop it!” You hear Jade’s voice, and you frown. Looking above the dog, you see her, clad in pajamas like you, but the normal kind. 

“Hey, Jade.” You try to keep some of your dignity, wiping some slobber off your face. Bec backs off, bounding back to his owner. 

“C’mon, let’s go. Grab some shit. I’ve explained all the supernatural bullshit twice today, I don’t want to do it again,” You start, scanning her face for confusion. But she seems… relieved.

“Dave?” She says, frowning. “It’s been so long since I...” She’s looking at you with a shocked expression, her eyes glassy. Ah, right. Prospit.

“Fuck, I forgot about your dreamy magical bullshit. Fuck, none of the stuff you saw came true, right?” She frowns. “Nope. You already know about this, though.” She says.

“Hahhh. About that,” you start. “I’m not your Dave. Well, I am, until thirteen. Then the timelines diverged, yours became doomed, I think? It feels weird for a doomed timeline, though, so.” 

She takes in your garb again, the aged look in your eyes. “Come in, let’s go inside.” 

“God, you don’t know how happy I am to not have to explain this shit again today.” you say, stepping onto the transportalizer on the ground floor. You head up to the top, to her bedroom.

It’s a mess, but there are less squiddles everywhere, and more scientific equipment. She’s really changed in these three years, grown up a little. You can’t help but view her as a kid, though.

“So, you got any food? AJ? I haven’t eaten anything that wasn’t alchemized in years,” you start, looking around her room some more. 

“Yeah, here,” She seems to decide not to ask, and she fishes some fruit gummies out of her pocket. You smile, glad that you aren’t the only one with unconventional food-hiding places.

Grabbing a handful of gummies, you sit on the bed. “So, how much do you know, and how much am I gonna have to explain,” you start, deciding to get this over with.

“Well, we were going to play a game! And get weird powers? I know you had time ones, and I did something with space. There were evil guys, and it seemed like such an adventure! It was going to be so fun! But it never happened, which made me really angry for a while. I got over it, though. I really thought I was going to be trapped on this island forever, haha!” Her voice cracks with fake cheer.

Dang, you hadn’t thought about what it would be like for her. That makes you feel guilty. “Yeah, no, you got the gist. It fucking sucked though, gotta be honest.” Oh god, she just gave you that pitying look. “No, it was better than the alternative, so.” Fuck, 2x pitying look plus confusion combo.

“Well, I was gonna have to tell you eventually, might as well get it out of the way,” you start, sucking in a breath.

AR: I can tell her, if you want.

“Nah, Hal, I can’t throw my shit on you.” you look back towards Jade. “John and probably Rose are pretty freaked out right now, ‘cause I dealt with my brother in a violent sort of way.” You try to keep it together, in front of her. You're not exactly the type of person to spill his guts after this sort of thing, but they were going to have to know eventually. 

Hal sends you a few messages. “Hal wants me to tell you that it was self defense, but I don’t know, okay? He was gonna kill me, but I used too much force, probably. I was angry, I couldn’t-” You look down at your hands. “At least I’ll never have to see him again,” you murmur.

“Wait, what?” She stumbles back, suddenly wary. “Dave?” She searches your eyes for an explanation, for something, but you look away.

“He’s dead now.” You say, and after a moment of silence, you try to explain yourself. “He was gonna-” You sigh. It sounds like a weak excuse, to chalk it up to self defense. “I fucking hate him,” is what you say instead. You would have probably been explaining this better if you hadn’t done it twice already.

“O-Oh. Okay,” She eyes you, and then her rifle in the corner of the room, looking guilty. “No, it’s cool if you’re afraid, I’m kinda used to it.”

You’ve seen fear in the eyes of your friends before. When you lashed out in anger, not thinking, on the meteor, you saw Rose flinch. When you woke up from a sudden noise, and pinned Karkat against the wall on instinct, and he looked at you, and you could tell he was scared, if hiding it for your sake. He’s been afraid of you before, most of them have. It’s fine.

Ugh, she’s pitying you again. “Cut that out, grab your stuff, let’s go. I’m fine.” You hate using your power, but your stupid exhaustion got in the way of things this time. You’re just evening things back out.

“Ok, one second.” She pulls out a duffel bag and starts pulling clothes and stuff into it. You cross your arms, leaning against the wall. It looks like you’re an asshole, probably. But you need to calm down, so whatever.

AR: She didn’t even ask about me. Should I be offended?  
TG: nah i think the murder thing was more of a shock actually  
TG: does this mean i win  
AR: Your heart rate was spiking earlier. Are you sure you’re okay?  
TG: when the *fuck* did i say i was okay  
TG: i am highkey freaking the fuck out  
TG: i just killed my brotherdad  
TG: he raised me and shit  
TG: the first thing i do when i see hes alive is plot to get him killed again  
TG: jegus  
TG: im just like him arent i  
AR: Stop it. You were understandably wary from the beginning, but you weren’t going to kill him until he started trying to kill you!  
AR: You are nothing like him. It was self defense.  
AR: And, fuck, I’m so sorry that you had to do that. That I couldn’t do anything.

“Ok, we are shutting that shit down right now. Hal, There’s nothing you could’ve done. It’s not like you could’ve attacked the guy for me. I had to do it. It was the only way.” You put your face in your hands, careful of the shades.

Jade looks up from her packing, squinting. “Uh, was I supposed to respond to that?” she asks.

“Nope. Was talking to someone else.” She zips up her bag, still frowning, and slings it over her shoulder. You pick her up, much to her surprise, and carry her across the ocean before that dumb dog can stop you.

\-----

When you land for the third time, you are more cautious. Not of people seeing you, but of you seeing you. Time loops and all that. The sun is setting, so you might be passed out right now? “Get down,” you whisper, and you hide behind some well placed shrubs. 

“What?” Jade whispers, yet she obeys, crouching down. “Time loops, I never saw myself.” She nods, peeking her head over the bush. “So, the time loops, how do they work?”

“Well, they gotta be stable, if I do something different than I saw myself do, or get seen when I’m not supposed to, then it becomes a causal loop. Causal loops are dead Daves, and dead Daves are usually a no-go.” You hear someone scrambling around upstairs, and you float up to John’s window, squinting to get a better look inside. 

He’s with Rose, passing her the shades, that means you’re in the process of passing out. Right on time. You grab Jade, pulling her inside. You woke up downstairs, so as long as you stay upstairs until past-you leaves and give him the signal, you’re all good. Oh, and clear everyone out of this room when past-you comes in for his shades. Why did they take them back off, anyways?

John is staring at you, his mouth open. “Greetings from the future, I bring you an offering,” you deadpan. He smirks, but the underlying fear and confusion remains. 

Rose comes back into the room as well, placing the shades on the desk like they were before. Then she notices you and Jade. Her brow furrows in confusion, and you groan, sitting back on the bed. “This would be so much easier if you guys remembered,” you say, head in your hands.

“Well, geez, Dave, sorry to be an inconvenience! You waren’t even treating us as people!” He gestures at the girls. “Just because we aren’t yours doesn’t mean we’re nothing!” Oh, he’s been saving that one. Yikes, you really fucked up here.

AR: He doesn’t understand what you went through. He doesn’t fully believe you, not yet anyways.  
AR: If I had to guess, he probably thinks you look too normal to be a ‘killer.’  
AR: Try to think of it from his perspective before yelling at him.  
TG: wasnt gonna yell at him  
TG: hes right  
TG: im acting like a manipulative sociopath  
TG: wonder where i got it from  
AR: You just want your friends back. You did this in an effort to make things as close to how they were as you could, did you not?  
AR: To put it bluntly, you were acting out of desperation. Has Bro ever been desperate?  
AR: You’re nothing like him.

God, okay. You suck in a deep breath. “I’m sorry, you guys just look so… childish, to me. It’s not a good reaction I know, and it sounds stupid, but hearing you talk about Nic Cage like he’s the greatest man to walk the earth when my John doesn’t even- didn’t even-” You choke a little, stepping back. “I’m sorry, I know you are all people with three years of life that are different, not worse or better, just different than mine, it’s just really hard to remember right now. There’s been a lot of stuff going on, but it’s mostly my fault. I could’ve been a normal god-tier and used my loops normally but I can’t and it’s dumb I just-” 

AR: Calm down. Let them talk. They are people too, you know.

You sit on John’s bed, rubbing your head.

Rose softens, sitting on the edge of the bed next to you. “We would be more helpful if we had even the slightest idea of what’s going on, you know. Be grateful we aren’t running away screaming,” she says, a smile ghosting her mouth. “Also, hello Jade. We needn’t be rude.”

Jade waves a little, smiling, cheerful despite the thick layer of confusion and worry coating the room.

A computer lodged deep in your sylladex pings, and you pull it out, ignoring the gasps and John’s exclamation of ‘Wow, magic!’

It’s from Pesterchum, and the handle has you scrambling to reply.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] \--

CG: HEY DAVE. I KNOW THIS PROBABLY WON’T GO THROUGH, BUT IF IT DOES, I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I AM COMING TO EARTH. IT MIGHT TAKE A WHILE TO GET EVERYTHING READY TO GO, BUT ALL TWELVE ARE COMING WITH ME. FUCK THE HUMANS FOR NOT DISCOVERING ALIENS YET, BY THE WAY.  
CG: I LOVE YOU, AS ALWAYS, DOUCHENOZZLE.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] \--

When you try to reply, to let him know that you’re alive, the familiar '-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] does not exist! --' message pops up. You drop your shades on the bed in shock, wrapping your hands around your mouth to stop a sob. You pull them back on, frantically reading the messages from Hal.

AR: I’m working on it. It’s from off planet, out of our solar system, which we already knew, but it’s a pre-written message. That means that you’ll get that message more than once, likely every hour.  
TG: thanks hal

“Hey, what was that? What happened?” Jade looks worried. “No, it’s my- my Karkat.” You say, trying to keep the grin off your face. You’ll tell them about your interspecies romance later, you guess.

“Your Karkat?” John looks confused. “Well, you wanted me to tell you things,” you start. “He’s an alien. We went through the game together, I’ve known him for years.” John shoots a fist into the air, hooting at the mere thought of an interspecies friendship. Rose looks more thoughtful. “What, and you know aliens now? If I hadn’t seen the proof myself, this would be absolutely absurd.”

You smile at that, thinking of Kanaya. “Let me tell you about the aliens, about my past, about everything. If you can’t remember, I don’t want you to be clueless, when shit inevitably goes down.

“We were all thirteen. We decided to play a video game. SBURB. In hindsight, I don’t really think we had a choice, we were chosen, because of the game mechanics that were integrated into our lives from the beginning.” God, you sound so serious and speech-y. Like Rose. Bluh.

“What do you mean by that?” Jade asks, frowning as she leans against the doorway. The other two nod in agreement.

“Well, sylladexes, for one. It’s like an inventory system. There are different modi you can use. They change how your sylladex works. I used to use hashmap, but future me gave me a bunch of sweet loot, so I use this orange-yellow one that is a combo, I actually have no idea what it’s called, and strife specubi, which is like your weapon. It’s all video game stuff like that,” you ramble, trying to word three batshit years of your life into a short story. 

“Yeah, and also there were, uh. Strifes,” you say, but looking at their incredulous faces, except for John, who likely doesn’t know what strife means, you hurry to explain. “They weren’t as bad as they sound, promise. I’m pretty sure all John did with Dadbert was toss cake at each other, and Rose’s strifes were mostly verbal.”

Jade looks up at you. “And I didn’t do strifes, because of Grandpa.” She looks upset, fuck. 

“Nah, you fucked around with the evil dog.” You rub the back of your neck, drenched in nostalgia. 

“What were your strifes like, Dave?” John asks eagerly, and both Rose and Jade wince. “Dude. I offed my brother in one. How do you think they were.” You say the question like a statement, deadpan.

“Oh, right.” John has the decency to look guilty. Jade puts her arms behind her head, her confusion taking over her face. “So what happened in the game?” she asks. 

You think it’s funny, how neither of the dark-haired twins assume that anything bad happened in your past, despite the fact that you’ve already had a breakdown in front of John. Prospit dreamers, you swear. 

“So, uh, we started playing the game, and we got the powers by dying on a rock, so, yeah, I’ve died, suck it Egbert,” you stick your tongue out at him. God you are shitty at explaining things.

“Anyways, uh, you revive in these epic pajammies.” You gesture down at your clothes, wiggling your fingers. “So, shit happened, there was a white text cue ball guy, we blew up a sun, that’s how we died. We, meaning, Rose and I. Uh, so Doc Scratch, white evil text guy, he literally like, exploded or something? He was made of puppet shit, reminds me of fucking Cal. Anyways, he like, fell apart and turned into Lord English, which is this big green guy, who is like, even more evil? I think. He had something to do with the scratch. He was a cherub, green skull guy, his sister’s actually really nice, but she’s… dead? Roxy did something with that, maybe.

“So all the betas, I mean, uh, us four, we all god tiered, and so did the alphas, which are, Roxy, Dirk, Jake, and Jane. They’re the post-scratch versions of our guardians? Well, Jade’s grandpa, and John’s nanna, My brotherdad, and Momlonde. But they’re all really nice kids, not abusive or alcoholic like these people are, oh yeah, they aren’t like, super old, or something. They’re our age. I miss them, but uh, they obviously didn’t carry over to wherever we are, probably they went to the post scratch universe, I don’t know.” You pause your long-winded rant, frowning.

“Maybe, since the trolls in the other universe can carry over to this one, we can get the alphas back. It’ll be good, seeing them again, if they even want to come back, that is.” You look towards your computer, typing in Dirk’s chumhandle. ('-- timaeusTestified [TT] does not exist! --’)

Fuck.

“So, uh, the trolls,” you start, trying to distract yourself. “There were twelve, at the beginning, I think. Might’ve been fourteen? Whatever. There was a hacker guy Karkat talked about a lot, Solluc? I dunno. So they all have grey skin, and yellow claws, and yellow sclera. Oh and horns, uh. They go from red to yellow, and they’re shaped differently based on the troll. And they all have black hair, and black eyes, kinda. When they turn 8 sweeps, their eyes fill in with their blood colors. The blood color thing is weird, there are, like, castes. The highest are cool colors, the highest is a pink-purple. There isn’t red, like, at all, which is dumb.” You decide not to mention Karkat’s mutation, he might not want them to know. 

“So uh, there was a clown, and I sent him an ICP video? Back when we thought they were internet trolls, not actual trolls. In my defense.” You wince a little at this part, but you at least know it’s much more Gamzee’s fault than yours at this point. Rose (and Karkat, even) drilled that into you once you figured out what happened, and for months after. “He thought it was blasphemy, or something, and started killing people. There are only about half of them left.”

“So half of us got on a meteor, and flew through paradox space for a few years. Rose, Kanaya, Karkat, Vriska, Terezi and I. And Gamzee, the clown, but he hid in the vents the whole time. Jade and John on the golden ship, with Davesprite, and a bunch of consorts.

“Oh, so Davesprite is a future me from a doomed timeline, he’s half bird. He’s a game construct now. Was. Was a game construct.” 

At this point all of the other kids are sitting on the bed, listening patiently, if disbelieving, to your shitty re-telling of the past three years. “So, uh, once we got off the meteor, there were some guys we had to fight, I fought a few carapacia- nope, not explaining that. I fought two bad guys with Dirk and Terezi. Terezi’s another troll, I dated her for like, two days, sucks to suck.

“Uh, also. I might be, possibly dating, uh, Karkat. We’ve been dating for two years, uh. He’s really great, he loves romcoms, is the most adorable nerd I’ve ever met, he’s so into the quadrants it’s terrifying, because I don’t get the fucking four-square romance bullshit at all, even though he’s screamed at me about it every day for years. Helped me out with a lot of my bullshit, like, sleeping and stuff. Mostly succeeded, because that’s certainly a thing I can do now, so.” 

Rose is smiling, in her smug ‘I-told-you-so’ way. Jade and John look shocked, and John’s mouth is hanging open. 

“Wait, wait, wait,” John starts, and you smirk. “Waiting.” You deadpan. “You’re… You’re gay?” John asks. Rose facepalms.

“Okay, I just told you an absolutely wild story from your perspective, and that’s what you question? Is there a problem?” You send him The Look. You’ve already had a sexuality crisis, intensified by your dearest brotherdad’s terrible influence. You will not let dipshit John of all people open old wounds. You think Karkat would be proud of you, for standing up to yourself like this.

“What? No, no! No problem here, haha! It’s just, my Dave was straight! He said so, like, all the time?” John looks uncomfortable, and kind of scared. Whoops.

“Fuck, that’s probably Bro’s doing. He was the definition of toxic masculinity, even though he-” your breaths quicken, and your vision blurs. “N-nevermind. That Dave, your Dave, he might’ve just not realized it yet.” you cringe at your stuttering voice, willing it to not leave you again.

“So, this Kanaya, that I- well, the other Rose, was on the meteor with, were we close? Was I close with Karkat? Or the other two?” Of course Kanaya would stick in her mind, even if she doesn’t remember. “You and Kan were very close,” you say, wiggling your eyebrows. “Also, Rose, you’re my ectobiological twin, and Jade is John’s. And the alpha’s are related to us, obviously. There are a lot of insestuous opportunities.”

“Oh.” She takes a moment for that to sink in, then adds, “I see.”

“Yeah. So that’s pretty much the whole story, there isn’t much more for me to say. I left the more complicated bullshit out, which is pretty much all the details? So yeah. But I’ll fill you in as shit comes up, and we should be good.”

“Hey, Dave?” Jade’s voice is soft. “Where’s our Dave? The one who spent the last three years with us? Is he… dead?” You wince, thinking. “Well, He might be stuck in the dreambubbles, if those are a thing here, uh. Or he’s in my timeline? Or… Yeah. He might be dead. It’s entirely possible that every timeline that deviates from Alpha in such a big way isn’t entirely real? Like, your memories might be screwy, I dunno. But this isn’t a doomed timeline, it feels too funky for that. Tell me if you remember anything, okay?” You start pestering Hal, turning towards the door. 

TG: hey is past me still downstairs or  
TG: i need some air  
AR: He’s going to come into John’s room, to grab me. Make sure you’re the only one in the room.  
TG: fuck i forgot about that  
TG: guess im out of practice

You motion, flapping your arms around in a hurried attempt to get everyone to pay attention. “Okay, past me is coming here in a little bit, you all have to hide, I remember being the only one in the room, other than future me.” You frown at the poorly worded sentence. “Which is present me, for you, uh.” Fuck. “it’s hard to explain, just hide, or something.” John pulls Jade into the closet with him, Rose following close behind. You sit in the desk chair, waiting to give the thumbs up. 

He comes in at that moment, and you notice how tired you look. Jesus, you didn’t notice last time, too focused on getting Jade, but you look like a walking corpse. You should get a little more sleep.

The whole thing runs smoothly, with you giving the signal, dramatically seated in the chair, shadow obscuring most of your face. You thank your powers for giving you a tiny bit of room. If you fuck up, it’s a fuck-up you remember happening, and winging it usually ends up alright. Unless it doesn’t.

AR: You’re free to go downstairs, if you want. The front yard is open as well.  
AR: I can feel his shades, somehow. I know where he is. I felt it when we looped, but you seemed busy.  
TG: hal that is honestly really cool  
TG: i wish i could know what all my past and future selves were getting up to  
AR: I think it’s an AI thing. I’m still getting used to such an expansive amount of tech.  
AR: I mean. Being able to interact with the internet? What?  
AR: I have a Tumblr account.  
TG: yeah like  
TG: theres a lot of shit on there  
AR: Being able to actually post a comment on furry porn is insanely gratifying.  
TG: wow  
TG: okay gotta blast to uh  
TG: alone town  
TG: ft nobody  
TG: bye

You step downstairs, still cautious of a paradox despite Hal’s green light. There’s nobody down there, except Mr. Egbert. You sigh in relief. You start to walk into the kitchen, intending to head out the kitchen door and into the yard, but Mr. Egbert stops you. 

“This might sound weird, but I have an inquiry.” Oh no. “John has mentioned his internet friends, of course, but I was under the impression that you all lived quite far away. How did you get the other two to our house so quickly?” Fuck.

“I have my ways,” you say, but he doesn’t look to be having any of it. “I’m sorry, but I’ve tried to be respectful, but I will need a little more information than that.” He puts his pipe back in his mouth, puffing it once before continuing. 

“You come to my home, tell me a flimsy story about your guardian, covered in what is Definitely Not Dirt, stay for a shower, and leave, bringing two girls back with you. If you would take the time to explain what on earth you are actually doing here, I might be more inclined to trust you.” He seems reasonably calm, compared to John’s outburst. 

“Sorry sir. It’s just, there’s a lot to explain. My home life wasn’t- isn’t- no, wasn’t, too great,” you start. God, It’s so hard to tell a stranger about this, when you can barely say it, accept it, out loud. “He- he was abusive. He died quite suddenly, and now I,” you wince at how weak your voice sounds. “Don’t have anywhere else to go. No one knows he’s died, not yet.

“The way John talks about you, how you treat him, it seems… nice.” You aren’t lying. You’ve had many a daydream about a life in the Egbert household instead of the Strider one, to your embarrassment. But it makes you squirm to lay out your emotions like this. You’re a Strider, not an Egbert, you can’t just talk about your problems with nice strangers.

Mr. Egbert’s eyes are furrowed, and he seems deep in thought. “Well, why was there blood on your face then, son?” He looks like he already knows the answer, judging by his slight frown. 

AR: You can’t tell him the way you told Jade. It was self defense, you can tell him that.

You’re pretty sure you’re shaking, and you’re also pretty sure that he knows how torn up about this you are, and is choosing to make sure you aren’t a threat anyway. You get it, you really do.

Doesn’t mean you can like it.

“He was going to kill me,” you push the words out, at barely a whisper. You can’t go mute again. You can’t go mute again. You can’t- “He was going to, I couldn’t just die, after all that, I-”

His face softens, and he smiles. He’s apparently decided that you aren’t a threat now. Maybe he thinks it’s your blood, not Bro’s? “Sorry about the interrogation, but I had to protect my son,” he says, and then pauses. “I can tell you understand.” You offer a weak smile and are about to abscond the fuck out of there, but you realize something.

Fuck. You gotta tell him about the superpower thing too, don’t you. “Also, you should know this,” Your voice cracks and stutters, but it’s sound, coming from your mouth, so you’ll take it as a win. “I might have acquired some…. Abilities, that are, like, supernatural. From a past life, kinda? And a video game. Uh, yeah.” He raises a single eyebrow, and huffs a breath, a laugh without sound. Welp, when you eventually start flying around the house, he’ll just have to deal with it.

“I’m going to go take a nap, uh, bye.” You wave, heading back up to the bathroom. You curl up in the tub, sending a few messages to Hal about keeping everyone out for a few hours. You pull your cape around yourself, unable to keep your eye off the exit. Wearily, hesitantly, you close your eyes, and drift off.

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah. It's probably shit, haha. I might continue this? If enough people end up wanting that. And the pesterlog coding is probably shit too, I just did it in 45 minutes. If you read all the way through, props to you, honestly. Considering it's length, I was probably venting, so, yeah. It might be dark? I don't know.


End file.
